Archive for ‘Honesty’

May 23, 2012

Floor of Failure

Sometimes I look in the mirror

and you rear your ugly head

I try to pretend you aren’t there

that you don’t exist

Then I trip and fall flat on my face

You are ever-so present

and all I want to do is cry

give up and lie

on the floor of failure

Tonight I’m facing this

monster that paralyzes me

with fear with invisible power

I can’t put my finger on it

The intangible terror is

dancing with you in

my head

My mouth is dry and my

words are gone

What you don’t know, though

is that I just took my

first step

to no longer being under

your thumb.

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May 18, 2012

H2O Project: Changing a Perspective

There’s nothing like a little suffering to put life into perspective.

At my church we decided to take on an initiative to help provide water wells in places where they do not have access to clean water. I talked about this a little bit in my last post. Now that I’m clear-headed and caffeinated once again, I feel as though I’m ready to talk about it some more.

The initiative is called the H2O Project.ย The idea is that you give up all beverages besides water for a certain amount of time. During that time you calculate what you would have spent on all other beverages. At the the end of that time you take the money you would have spent on other beverages and donate it to an organization of your choosing that will help provide water wells to developing countries who do not have clean water. My church decided to send our proceeds to Living Water International

There are two parts to this initiative, which is why I think it is so powerful. There is the practical money aspect. They need money to make this happen, so we donate our money to those who need it. But then there is the personal aspect. We make a conscious decision to go without something we want so others can get something they need. We don’t have give up something to donate the money. The donation is the easy part. The act of giving something up is the hard part because it involves a little bit of sacrifice and suffering on our end. If we didn’t give something up, though, it would no longer make it personal. Of course being a little caffeine deprived is nothing compared to the suffering the people go through when they have no clean water. We’re talking disease, suffering, and death in so many cases. One child dies every 15 seconds from a (preventable) water related disease.

For me, the lack of coffee hit the hardest. The first week was one big headache between caffeine deprivation and well-timed allergies. But it really did put life into perspective a little bit. I realized that my “sacrifice” was definitely a first-world problem — similar to when your iPod stops working, or when your computer crashes, or when a speech from the president interrupts your favorit show. Those are mild annoyances but not nearly as awful as when your sibling gets cholera from drinking dirty water or when your government deprives your village of a water well because they don’t like your tribe.

This entire experience made me come to two realizations. First, this water crisis is very real to a lot of people across the world (about 1 billion people). Something needs to be done. Second, it really helped me to appreciate what I have. Namely clean water and coffee. That first cup of coffee after two full weeks with out any was heavenly. The best part, probably, was that I got to enjoy it with my mom on Mother’s Day. Since then I have had quite a large amount of coffee, but I tend to appreciate that warm, nutty goodness a little more than I used to. Needless to say, my co-workers are also appreciative of my coffee ๐Ÿ™‚

I guess the moral of the story would be take the time to really enjoy the things you have in life — even the small things — and, every once in a while, think about what life would be like without those things. As a first world nation, we are truly blessed — even our poor and homeless have more luxuries than those in developing nations who don’t even have access to clean water. Think about it.

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March 26, 2012

What do you say when an Atheist sneezes?

I have a very dear friend who is an Atheist. I am a Christian (I know. Scandalous.) My friend and I were having a very interesting conversation about Christianity and my personal beliefs. This conversation got me thinking about the dynamics a conversation like this often has.

We had always talked vaguely about our belief differences but I don’t think I was ever confident enough in my faith to get too in depth with him. He’s always been respectful of that, I think. Part of the reason I didn’t have the discussion with him, was because I held onto this false notion that my faith was personal and I didn’t have to talk about it to be a “good” Christian, etc. In the last few years, however, I realized we were put here to share the love of Jesus. I also didn’t think I was equipped to speak accurately about God in the context of the challenges and questions atheists often pose to Christians. Those tough, logical questions that often leave Christians feeling attacked and on the defensive. George and I met in college and I was in the in-between place with my faith. I still believed, I just didn’t make an effort to follow. In my opinion, that didn’t make me the best spokesperson for Christianity. I couldn’t possibly answer all the questions I knew he was going to ask. I just knew I believed.

It’s eight years later and I still don’t have all the answers, but we somehow stumbled upon this discussion. The conversation was civil and respectful. We both respected the other person’s views. We had a very intellectual conversation and not once did I feel attacked. I was able to convey my beliefs, thoughts, and opinions without sounding too preachy (I think). Either that or he politely put up with it.The conversation ended and we were still friends. That is always a bonus.

Several things had changed in those eight years before this conversation. I had since re-dedicated my life to the Lord and taken an active role in my faith. I believe Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and I always have. What is different, though, is that I have thoughts and opinions on Christianity. I have discernment and don’t just believe it because I’m told to. I also speak out when I hear Christians inaccurately representing God. I understand everyone is on their own journey with God and it is not my job to condemn. It is my job to love.

This whole conversation worked for a few reasons. First, I went into this as a candid conversation between friends, because it was. We were having a normal conversation and (gasp) I didn’t try to convert him. That is not my job as a Christian. My job is to share about my relationship with God and answer questions the best I can. That is exactly what I did. I also respected his thoughts and opinions. He had some very valid arguments and questions. He asked some of the same and very difficult questions a lot of Christians ask. I answered him the best I knew how. Some questions I knew the answers to, others I had opinions on. That being said, I did not pretend I had all the answers. I don’t. There are reasons God does not reveal all the answers to us. We need to learn to be confident enough in our faith to be comfortable in admitting we don’t know all the answers.

In all honesty, George knows more about the histories and origins of several religions, including Christianity, than I do. He probably already knew most of what I told him, but he still respected and listened. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have open, honest conversations. Be understanding with others who have opinions different than yours. We all feel passionately about various things – religion, politics, how to raise families, the best recipe for chili. We will get nowhere if we can’t listen and partake in intelligent, two-sided conversations.

Did I convert my friend George? Hardly. That’s not the point anyway. All I can do is be a good friend and pray for him (Yep, that’s right, George ๐Ÿ™‚ ).

*I would like to thank Dane Cook for giving me the idea for the title of this post, though he doesn’t know it. ย And I would like to thank my friend, George, for letting me use our impromptu conversation as a little inspiration. You’re a gem ๐Ÿ™‚